Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in hi_im_lou's LiveJournal:

Thursday, December 29th, 2005
8:59 pm	an all-time low "i, marilou nieves, have officially hit an all time low. i gave a guy my number just so i could gamble 30 bucks of HIS money." singleness has changed me. well...i take that back. i'd like to say i'm still the same person i was prior to breaking up with brandon. but i HAVE developed an alter ego for when i go out: "BAR LOU." (big ups to nizzo, who gave me this name last summer) my dealings with men vary according do how i feel about them, and where i meet them. i basically split men into 3 categories: 1) friends 2) potential boyfriends 3) creepy doods who think they can pick up chicks at random places now, let me explain: the first category, friends, is pretty self explanatory. i love my friends to pieces, and i would do anything for them. i realize that there is a hierarchy of friends that comes into play, but i can honestly say this because i don't really let myself have too many close guy friends...so usually the ones that i do befriend, are pretty close. i can think of about 4 close guy friends, and you know who you are. =) "potential boyfriends" is a group that is made of guy friends that I could possibly like. they have to have a spark. can't really explain it but i know when i feel it. and as long as you're not the dood that i feel it with...i'll let you know. i usually get really shy, and things move very slowly, because that's how i roll. holler. the third and final category is where most of the men i encounter fall into. before i go into this, let it be known that i would never EVER take a guy who tries to pick me up at any of the following places seriously: - clubs - bars - frat parties - casinos - jail - mental institution (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
6:16 pm	stolen from denny. i'm doing it cuz i'm bored. and i feel like being unproductive. Mark with an X the things that are true Appearance [x] I am shorter than 5'4. [x] I think I'm ugly sometimes. [ ] I have many scars. [ ] I tan easily. [ ] I wish my hair was a different color. [ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. [ ] I have a tattoo. [x] I am self-conscious about my appearance. [x] I have/I've had braces. [x] I wear glasses. [ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free. [x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. [x] I have more than 2 piercings [x] I have piercings in places besides my ears [x] I have freckles. ** they're more like sun freckles Family/Home Life [ ] I've sworn at my parents. [x] I've run away from home. [ ] I've been kicked out of the house. [x] My biological parents are together. [ ] I have a sibling less than one year old. [x] I want to have kids someday. [ ] I've had children. [ ] I've lost a child. School/Work [x] I'm in school. [x] I have a job. [x] I've fallen asleep at work/school. [x] I almost always do my homework. [ ] I've missed a week or more of school. [x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years. [ ] I failed more than 1 class last year... [x] I've stolen something from my job **mc donald's...i took a beenie baby home without buying the happymeal. i was sucha rebellious 16 year old... [ ] I've been fired. [x] I've skipped school. Embarrasment [x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation. [x] Disney movies still make me cry. [x] I've peed from laughing. [x] I've snorted while laughing. [x] I've laughed so hard I've cried. [x] I've glued my hand to something [x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose. [ ] I've had my pants rip in public Health [ ] I was born with a disease/impairment. [ ] I've gotten stitches. [ ] I've broken a bone. [ ] I've had my tonsils removed. [x] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend. [x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed. [ ] I had a serious surgery. [x] I've had chicken pox. **only a few rashes...it was very mild. i didn't even know it was the chickenpox until my blood test showed that i had antibodies for it. stragnge, huh? Traveling [ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day. [x] I've been on a plane. [x] I've been to Canada. [ ] I've been to Mexico. [x] I've been to Niagara Falls. [x] I've been to Japan. [ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans. [ ] I've been to Europe. [ ] I've been to Africa. Experiences [x] I've gotten lost in my city. [ ] I've seen a shooting star. [ ] I've wished on a shooting star [ ] I've seen a meteor shower. [x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas. [x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator [x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts... [x] I've been to a casino. [ ] I've been skydiving. [ ] I've gone skinny dipping. [x] I've played spin the bottle. [ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. [ ] I've crashed a car... [ ] I've been Skiing [x] I've been in a play... [x] I've met someone in person from the internet ** it was a mututal friend, btw from a neighboring town...nothing creepy like that though. [x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue. [ ] I've seen the Northern Lights. [x] I've sat on a roof top at night. [ ] I've played chicken.. [x] I've played a prank on someone. [x] I've ridden in a taxi. [ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. [x] I've eaten Sushi. [ ] I've been snowboarding. Relationships [x] I'm single [ ] I'm in a relationship. [ ] I'm engaged. [ ] I'm married. [ ] I've gone on a blind date. [x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper. [x] I miss someone right now. [x] I have a fear of abandonment. [/] I've cheated in a relationship. **this one gets a half cuz...yea. techinically it wasn't, but i felt the guilt like i did...whatevs. i've moved on. [ ] I've gotten divorced [x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. [ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't. [x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did. [x] I've kept something from a past relationship. Sexuality [ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex [x] I've had a crush on a teacher. [x] I am a cuddler. [x] I've been kissed in the rain. [x] I've hugged a stranger. [x] I have kissed a stranger. **once, and never again. Honesty/Crime [x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.. [x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.... [x] I've snuck out of my house... [x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.. [x] I am keeping a secret from the world. [x] I've cheated while playing a game. [x] I've cheated on a test... [x] I've run a red light [ ] I've been suspended from school. [x] I've witnessed a crime. [ ] I've been in a fist fight... [ ] I've been arrested... [x] I've shoplifted Drugs/Alcohol [x] I've consumed alcohol. [x] I regularly drink. [x] I've passed out from drinking. [x] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months. [x] I've smoked weed [ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them. [ ] I've eaten shrooms. [ ] I've popped E. [ ] I've inhaled Nitrous. [ ] I've done hard drugs. [ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. [ ] I can't swallow pills. [ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem [ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression... [ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed. [ ] I take anti-depressants. [ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic. [x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it. [ ] I've hurt myself on purpose... [ ] I'm addicted to self harm. [ ] I've woken up crying. Death and Suicide [x] I'm afraid of dying. [ ] I hate funerals. [x] I've seen someone dying. [x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide. [ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide. [ ] I've planned my own suicide. [ ] I've attempted suicide. [ ] I've written a eulogy for myself. Materialism [x] I own over 5 rap CDs. [ ] I own an iPod or MP3 player. [ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. [x] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece. [x] I own something from Hot Topic. [ ] I own something from Pac Sun. [ ] I collect comic books. [x] I own something from The Gap. [ ] I own something I got on e-bay. [x] I own something from Abercrombie. Political/Social Attitudes [ ] In general, I don't like people. [ ] I'm a feminist. [x] I'm outgoing. [x] I listen to political music. [x] I'm Democratic. [ ] I'm Republican. [x] I'm liberal. [x] I'm religious. [x] I dress fairly modestly. [x] My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it." Random [x] I can sing well. **rather..."in tune" would do it. haha. [ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. [ ] I open up to others easily. [x] I watch the news. [x] I don't kill bugs. [x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme. [x] I curse regularly. [x] I sing in the shower. [x] I am a morning person. [ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone. [x] I'm a snob about grammar. [ ] I am a sports fanatic. [x] I twirl my hair [ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.. [x] I love being neat [x] I love Spam [ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day [x] I bake well. [x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue... [x] I would wear pajamas to school. [ ] I like Martha Stewart.... [ ] I know how to shoot a gun [ ] I am in love with love... [ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. [x] I laugh at my own jokes. [x] I eat fast food weekly. [ ] I believe in ghosts. [x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message. [ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class. [ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. [x] I am really ticklish. [ ] I love white chocolate [ ] I bite my nails. [x] I play video games. [ ] I'm good at remembering faces. [ ] I'm good at remembering names [ ] I'm good at remembering dates. [ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. [x] My answers are totally honest (Comment on this)
Monday, December 26th, 2005
12:14 pm	verbal vomit? perhaps. i can't imagine "breaks" being good. at school, and most of the time at home, i find myself to be pretty busy. i like it that way. being busy keeps me active, away from the kicthen, and it manages to divert my mind from things that may bother me. however, i've had bronchitis/the flu for the past 2 weeks. this forced me to come home from school A LOT earlier than i had expected. this time was spent laying in bed, watching tv, eating, being a fat bum, and being miserable. i coudln't sleep cuz i was so congested, and when i wasn't congested, i was feeling too dry. these nights i was completely convinced that nyquil and a humidifier were all i needed for instant happiness. ugh. there was blood every time i coughed, every time i blew my nose. my face was pale and i broke out into hives from lack of rest and maybe an allergic reaction to all my meds. i was a train wreck. but now i'm a lot better, minor congestion here and there but a lot better than before. i just kinda wished that i was able to do things like go out to the bar with my nursing ppl, or attend banquet with the rest of the APO brothers. it's all good though. if i did all of that i would probably be dead now or something. true story. although maybe 2 lbs of it is water weight, i think i've gained close to 4 lbs due to my overeating. it's all because sometimes i get bored and i have this terrible habit of picking up food when i'm not preoccupied. it's been a whiles since i've been this lazy. i recall last semester, basically coming home from school, setting my stuff down, and then going straight to penn presby for my orientation for my externship. the entire summer was alternating between fun road trips and work. the days i was off i was sure to blow my money (on gas, drinks, food, presents, etc) on seeing my friends. perhaps i was a little frivolous with my money, but hey, you're young once. this philosophy has basically gotten me through senior year. i basically want to make the most of everything...live life with no regrets. if i can go out and see friends the night before my 8:10, then i'm gonna do it. if i only have 5 bucks to spare on a night out at the bar, i'll probably just blow it on a drink for the sake of a good time. i haven't gotten myself into trouble yet (and by trouble, i mean overcharging) but i do feel sort of bad that i haven't been saving as much. but there are things that i've spent a crap load of money on that i don't regret (i.e. bigging, going out with friends, buying clothes, going on random trips, etc). speaking of regrets...i have a pretty big decision to make, and it's based all on...yea. regrets. my pledgemaster, lisa, is encouraging me to go out for assistant pledgemaster. i would like to, and since i realllly don't have the money to big (graduation will be EXPENSIVE) denny had told me that this is the best way to give back to the fraternity, and i agree wholeheartedly. besides, this is an opportunity i will never be able to have again. however, there are a lot of things holding me back. i'm already vp of the senior class, and i have a lot of credits to take (this semester it's 17...this includes 2 clinical days and philharmonia rehearsal which takes forever). so aside from concerts we'll be giving, i'll have my hospital assignments (i went back to my hardest rotation: med/surg. even though this is gonna sucka big fat one, i feel i really need this experience before i'm thrown into the hospital). i need to study for my HESIs in order to graduate nursing school, and i need to study for my NCLEX so i can work (the NCLEX is the test i take in order to put "RN" after my name). i would be humiliated if i had to take any of these tests twice. HUMILIATED. therefore i wanna take time to know that i studied as much as i could for these tests. and i also want to bring my GPA up so that i can be put in consideration for sigma theta tau, the nursing honors society, and maybe...just maybe....graduate with honors (although it's a long shot...my cum GPA is 3.4 something...and i need a 3.5. with only 1 semester to go, it'll be quite a feat). i don't want the brotherhood or any pledges to be angry with me if i get stressed, or overwhelmed because i already have a lot on my plate with graduation and everything. i'm not sure if anyone really understands what i'm going through because a lot of the brotherhood that is graduating is going to law school or some sort of grad school. i'll have a real job in the next 5 months, and interviewing starts...in 2 weeks? i have to make arrangements for my NCLEX, cuz the test varies from state to state, and right now i'm trying to compare costs of living in north jersey, to south jersey, philly, to new york. god. when i find out what freakin hospital i wanna work in, life would be so much easier. so with all this on my mind...i just don't know. my heart says yes, but my brain says i'll overhwlem myself. but you know those experiences that are priceless? i think that's what this semester would be for me if i applied or even got chosen for assistant PM. i should be more confident in myself. i've managed to get everything done in the past, my time management is good and i feel like i prioritize accordingly in all situations...from my patient assignments to my school work, to my activities. i'd be able to balance everything out a lot better once i know what to expect. i have no clue how my clincials will be, how interviewing will be, or how much jen really wants her assistant to do. HAH. i'm talking like i'd get it. that's not the case, btw. but before i apply, i have to have this mindset where i constantly ask myself "well WHAT IF i got it?" you know? whatevs. hmmm...so what else? oh! i got an e-mail today from my old clincal instructor, laurie karmel. i wished her a happy hannukah, and she was able to write me this long e-mail back letting me know her plans for the juniors. she also said something that really touched me...she said that she never had a clinical group as close to her as we were. she also said that our entire class (c/o 06) was particularly special cuz she got to know all of us..and she said that me, among all those ppl were the ones she held closest. it was really nice, because i look up to her in so many ways. my med/surg experience was so intense, and emotionally wrenching for me. seeing ppl go into heart failure is not fun...and really scary when you're 20 and never had a hospital job. but she really held my hand through everything and was a great friend, and an even greater clinician. she's one of the main reasons why i wanna be an ICU nurse someday. so i can do as great of a job as she does all the time. throughout nursing school i've picked out 2 mentors that i want to practice like...she's one of them. (the other, is annette minors, RN...my geriatrics instructor). so anyway, she offered to have me shadow her in the ICU one day! i thought that was really cool. i hope my clincal instructor this year will allow it. =) speaking of being allowed to do things...my mom gave me the OK to go to vegas with some friends for spring break. it'll be awesome, because i love to gamble and drink. (i realize that i sounded like a total slore when i said that but i don't care. it is what it is!) before vegas, i plan to lose about 20 lbs and save money. i want to get tanned once i'm there and win maddd money. we're staying @ the venetian, which is a 4 star hotel. we're getting a suite and sneaking ppl in...it'll be a blast. i've never gone out for spring break before so naturally, my parents were a bit protective. but since it's within the US (prior plans had us going to the bahamas) my parents decided to let it slide. score. i think this is getting pretty long, and i think i may go shopping with my siblings soon, so i can get stuff for christmas, and finish up my christmas shopping. =) (Comment on this)
11:31 am	since there are way too many people subscribed to my xanga, and myspace can get creepy, i've decided to make this live journal for more private rants and raves. (Comment on this)